How Can I Do Better?

Much reflection on my part these last series of days as a result of the obscene murder of George Floyd. As much as I would like to think I am fully evolved, after hours and hours spent watching and listening to the pain that is pouring out from the African American community, I newly understand that I still have a long, long way to go. And that, I believe, is one of the best outcomes that can occur from all of this. To better understand that as much as I think I 'get it,' I really don't, because I can't. I'm an outsider looking in, and I therefore need to simply be quiet and take a seat so that I can continue to listen and learn.

I'm not going to attempt to make myself feel better by sharing here about all the times and ways that I've surely proven over the years that I am not racist. Because what I think I've come to now, and this after spending many decades attempting to self educate on this issue in order to do better, is that it's almost impossible not to have inherent racism within. Because for most of us the indoctrination begins at birth, and much as we might wish it to be otherwise, those voices we all heard while growing up, without even necessarily understanding them as voices of racism, are still in our heads talking to us. 

I'm also not going to attempt to pontificate about racism, because regardless of where I think I am on the evolved continuum, I newly understand that by default I am part of the problem simply by virtue of being white in the United States. And yes, I do think it is as simple as that. I am white, and with that comes privilege that I may never fully understand. 

So what is my obligation going forward? In giving it a great deal of that, I don't think it's so much about stepping down from my privilege as I understand and experience it, but rather to instead work to clear a wide, wide path so that other others can step up into it as well. 

Obtainable? I don't know. But I feel morally charged to try and try and try, and then to try again.

As a small step here, infinitesimally small perhaps, I've expanded my blog roll to include other perspectives that I need to begin taking in on a regular basis. And to not only read, but to begin commenting on as well, so that if and when I stumble and blindly present my privilege, I'll be in a position to be called out on it, in order to learn to do better.

Today is Mr. Floyd's funeral. Normally I would probably not have taken the time to stop my life in order to watch it, but today I will. And more importantly, I will do my best to listen in the hope that I will learn about how I can do better going forward.

May peace be with you all.