I was reflecting this morning on how stressed and depressed I was through much of March and April as a result of the pandemic and subsequent shelter in place orders. It really was pretty awful, wasn't it?
Feeling imprisoned is not something I was prepared for, and it took a pretty significant toll on me emotionally, physically, and mentally.
So as we begin to open up here in California, I am trying to be very conscientious about what I will and will not do in the weeks and months ahead. As in, what is truly important in my life, and what is simply superfluous?
This is what I believe to be truly important, and worth taking whatever risks might be involved:
- Time with family. I am willing to take on the risk of not being 100% sure that either of my two daughters or two granddaughters would arrive here pandemic germ free in order to see and spend time with them. A life without their ongoing presence is really not one I care to live.
- Time spent outdoors. Again, similar to above, I can't envision a life that doesn't involve enormous quantities of this. Generally while in motion, but sometimes just while sitting and taking in the beauty of the world. Fortunately, we have enough outdoor options to avoid the busiest trails and busiest beaches during times of greatest activity. Still, we are taking on risk, even if small, when we pass people, or are passed while out hiking, walking, or biking. Our time spent kayaking or paddleboarding are probably the two safest things we can do, in that distance on the water is pretty much assured, however neither works my legs, so I can't rely on them solely.
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| Endless amounts of this, please. |
This is what I believe to be of moderate importance, and only worth doing if proper social distancing can be assured:
- Picnic get togethers with friends. We are enjoying these social dates tremendously, and hope to continue them on a regular basis with like-minded friends. Already we are sensing some pushback from a few of our more friends, but we are not willing to compromise at this time, so if they have to come off of our list for a time, well, so be it.
- Continuing to enjoy the occasional take out items, from bagels to coffee to full on meals. The variety they provide, and the opportunity to sit somewhere quiet and watch the world go by, are not insignificant. As long as everyone involved in handing over the food is masked, as are we, and as long as social distancing can be achieved while we are in line waiting our turn.
- Grocery shopping. Now that the first waves of panic over food shortages has subsided, it's back to being a, if not pleasant, at least not unpleasant, experience. So far everyone continues to be masked in the stores I frequent, medical feedback is continuing to point to surface traces of the virus being minimal, and I enjoy being able to shop for the many small items that make our produce-heavy dinners so interesting, tasty, and nutritious.
- Visiting our public libraries once they reopen. Generally a quiet, calm place, and again, medical evidence increasingly appears to be pointing toward surfaces as not being a significant point of concern. E-books are fine in a pinch, and I've been checking them out regularly since shelter in place began, but I much, much prefer paper books. Less distracting than an e-reader where many other things can be done other than just read, books are easy to read and see when outdoors, and there is a calmness in holding a real book that is hard for me to describe.
- Restaurant dine in servicing of any sort, whether indoors or out. I simply don't want someone coming over to us repeatedly to either serve us or see how we are doing. Simply too much contact at this point in time.
- Attending our spiritual services in person. Virtual services are working out beautifully, and we are happy to continue.
- Attending our learning programs in person. Similar to above, virtual learning is working out just fine.
- Attending any live performances in person. Again, streaming of live performances is working out terrifically, and with much better sight lines!
- All travel other than in our RV.
Still up for debate - getting our haircut. I've pretty much decided to stop having color weaved into my hair for now in that 1) it simply takes too much up close and personal time, and 2) I'm not minding the natural color that is increasingly visible. My real hair at this point is a dirty blond with silver/gray highlights, and I'm surprisingly OK with it. Still, a decent cut for both me and my husband would be nice, so I am watching carefully to see what happens with this recent headline about two symptomatic hairstylists in Missouri.
What are you prioritizing currently? And what are you fine letting go for now?
A reasonable list based on risk. We are still not seeing family, talking to friends outside only and minimizing grocery store visits. At one store everyone is doing what they should but at the other not so much. While walking the dog I did have a chat with an acquaintance who said she wasn't doing anything differently because the whole thing is made up misinformation, a way for hospitals to charge more, lots of people die every year anyway, and on and on. Mind boggling lack of comprehension of the basic science and medical knowledge. But she had looked it all up on the internet and talked to one nurse! I think push back is going to increase very dramatically and friendships will end as a result sadly.
ReplyDelete'I think friendships will end as a result sadly' - I hadn't processed it to quite that degree, but I agree that you are very likely correct, Juhli. If the plentiful scientific and medical data out there hasn't yet been read, and if there is an intrinsic belief that the WHOLE WORLD is in on the conspiracy, well, what is really left to have in common moving forward?
DeleteI agree. On the other hand I am meeting new people and having more meaningful discussions albeit at a safe distance and outdoors. People are eager for connection.
DeleteBeing an introvert I was surprised as how much it affected me when I felt I could not spend more time outdoors. This pandemic has made me examine my life and evaluate what is important. It has been a reminder how important it is to love your own surroundings if you are locked down for an extended period. I've also encountered people who tell me what a wonderful job has been done in the US managing the situation, how it's all a hoax by the Democrats or Big Pharma. I'm wondering how those dead 100k people feel about the hoax. Even with the relaxation of lockdown in San Diego we are choosing not to mix with the hoards but play the wait and see gaim.
ReplyDeleteI would offer that being an introvert is more about how your energy is affected by people than it is about how much time you need to spend outdoors. For many of us, extrovert or introvert, it's where we find our serenity. And yes, as you pointed out, it does highlight the importance of having a nest feathered to your liking. 🙂
DeleteI am so puzzled at how those claiming the virus to be a hoax would explain the fact that it is affecting the entire planet's population. My personal belief is that for many people it is easier to demand reopening if they elect to call and believe it to be a hoax, so that they don't have to feel any personal guilt about those who might die prematurely as a result. If it's not real, it's not their responsibility as to what follows.
I'm prioritizing my time outdoors to stay sane and healthy, time with my family, and grocery shopping. In my province, at present, we're still under emergency orders that prohibit gatherings of five or more people unless they live together. In early June the public libraries here will open for book pick-ups and I look forward to that. I don't mind using digital media for arts and entertainment, or keeping in touch with my extended family and friends while staying apart. Their health and my health are more important to me than meeting in-person at this point. Luckily I had a haircut before the lockdown and can tie my hair to a ponytail if needed. The grey hair has not bothered me and it's something that Miss Clairol can help if I need assistance :)
ReplyDeleteWe share the need to be outdoors every day during this very stressful time. Just finished today's walk - nine miles at the beach. Now I need a nap!
DeleteYour ability to have gatherings of up to four people not in same household is not on our list of acceptable activities yet. Interesting how different countries are approaching re-opening!
I will see my family, and as my summer keep busy list will show, I hope to host brother and sister in law by July (we have two yard tables far apart. We've talked abot gal get togethers but unless I can be assured of a minimum of eight feet even with masks, I am not there yet. I d agree with the need to be completely outdoors daily. This pandemic has tought me that I compleely trut my local delivery guy to purchase my groceries, text me and ask about lternatives so if I never enter a grocery store again I will be happy.
ReplyDeleteIt has been an interesting period of enforced self reflection, hasn't it? The things we each miss the most, the things we can happily live without. In a very Dickens-manner it's turning out to be both the best and the worst of times.
DeleteThis is really interesting, and I think we are all going to have to make our own risk assessments as we ease out of it. I am happy to meet up outdoors, but only with people I trust have been as careful as I have! So family and close friends are definitely in that group! I agree, restaurant meals can wait, I can see that we will probably go back to having a couple of people over for dinner or drinks in the garden rather than going out and be waited on by strangers.
ReplyDeleteLike you, now my 'natural' hair colour is growing through, I'm not desperate to get highlights put back in. I thought I would be but I'm not. I'm more interested in getting a good cut! But going to a hairdressers just seems a bit too close contact at the moment. Fortunately my daughter knows how to cut hair so I have asked her to come round as soon as she is allowed and she can cut my hair in the garden. That way we are outside, I know she has been careful, and I can wash and dry it myself. One step at a time ...
It is interesting that we currently have the ability to do more in most of our respective states or countries than we, personally, are comfortable doing. And to a degree, I am fine with that. The economy needs to get moving, and younger people are much less likely to be hospitalized as a result of the virus, so it makes sense that they go out there first. What I am not OK with is being ridiculed for electing to proceed more slowly. That has to stop, and now. I'm increasingly assertive about that when bumping into in public. Generally as in a 'You do you, and I'll do me, got it? 👍' kind of way.
DeleteLetting my hair return to it's natural state would be a relief, actually. A big monkey off my back that I might not have found the courage to do otherwise. Are you feeling same, or do you think you'll return to getting it colored once you feel safe doing so?
Tamara, I like your list. It mirrors ours to a large extent. We don't have an RV so that part of re-entry will be a bit tricky. Curb-side delivery at the library has been a godsend these past couple of weeks. We are starting to shop for ourselves a bit more often (masked of course). Things are changing in terms of family-time since our daughter's boyfriend will return to Miami June 1. She will remain with us for another month. We have seen close friends twice since March, for cocktails on the beach - separate cars, separate snacks, etc. Still exercising outside as much as possible - summer has arrived,ugh! I see some people throwing caution to the wind, but mostly people in my area are mindful that there is no cure and no vaccine. I read Juli's comment about friendships dissolving over the 'politics' of this issue. That actually happened to me back in March. Who knew that people could be in such denial.
DeleteIt's an odd, surreal time, and of course, we still have no idea as to how long it may or may not go on. Still, hopefully, for you as well as for me, we are in much better places today than we were back in March. The depression was real, and I am thankful beyond words to have the bulk of it behind me at this point.
DeleteOur families really are everything, aren't they? When I think about asking my younger daughter and granddaughters to quarantine upon their arrival here in June? Uh, no. Just not going to happen. They are imminently worth the risk. And I'm pretty sure you both understand and agree.
Plus, I know they've been, and will continue to be careful, in that my younger daughter is actually worried about more aspects of the virus than even I am.
And, yes, the politics of it all. I am saddened beyond words that this is not only where we are as a country, but also, clearly, who we are. Perhaps we've always been this way, more divided than united, and it's only when the chips are down that we see it so clearly. I have no answers, and all I can do is avoid those whose attitudes I find most offensive, and vote as my belief system directs.
Miss you both!
Priorities do come into sharp focus during a Crisis. Usually we've moved thru our Crisis Alone, since they were Personal ones that Isolated us being the ones having it. This is different, this is a Global Crisis and so there is more point of reference where everyone understands the challenges and the burdens. I do find some comfort in that. My priorities will not be everyone else's, yet I do feel challenged when people are not taking this seriously and prolonging things with irresponsible behavior, risking more lives by their inability to understand what a Plague is! Pandemic seems to be too big a word for some people to actually wrap their Minds around and have the discipline and intelligence to Deal with. Not being able to mandate personal behavior, we have to Trust each individual and sometimes that Trust is misplaced... and that's difficult for the responsible people to accept quietly and without a reaction.
ReplyDeleteI had very close to this same conversation with my husband this morning, Bohemian. He is stressing over each's days contagion numbers, and I reminded him that this is not a stoppable event. It is a worldwide pandemic that we are going to have to navigate until a certain level of herd immunity is reached. Our job is to navigate the next couple of years as safely as we possibly can. Meaning we continue to wear masks, stay away from crowded indoor spaces, and make our choices on who and where we potential risk exposure as conscientiously as we possibly can. It is real, it is here, and we have to deal with it, or risk dying earlier than we might otherwise.
DeleteThanks for chiming in - I very much appreciated your reply!
Tamara, this was both a thoughtful and thought-provoking post. It seems like you and your husband have outlined a solid plan that will successfully get you through the months ahead. As financially stable retirees, Alan and I are blessed to be in the position of continuing to isolate ourselves as much as we want to, even as our state continues a gradual reopening. My heart aches for those who don't have that option as they work to maintain their financial stability and/or the health and safety of others.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, just a few days ago, our 21 year old daughter (a temporarily unemployed barber), commented that her perspective had recently changed, and she no longer worries about things she can't control. She had been a wreck at the beginning of the shutdown, and is back to being her happy self now. Indeed, we can't control the wind, but we can always adjust our sails.
Your 21 year old daughter is very wise, Mary. I had a similar change in mindset as a result of reading something recently. To paraphrase, it stated that either the virus is going to take us, or it is not, and that is already decided by our individual medical makeups. So either I will die if I get it, or I will not, and nothing I can do now will change that. Viewing it in that manner allowed me to set down a lot of the fear, and replace it with sensible caution instead. I'm a whole lot older than your daughter, so clearly she's a much faster learner than I am!
DeleteOur priorities are similar to yours:
ReplyDelete1. We had our son who lives 20 miles away come over for dinner,finally.,He lives in a more urban setting and also has some contact with others, but we just could not bear the family isolation. We distanced,ate at opposite ends of a 10 foot breakfast bar, and when we sat in the living room to watch a move, we wore masks and kept 6 feet apart.VERY weird but at least we got to hang out!!! I will do this again.
2.Trader Joe/grocery shop: I went to a store/ public building for the first time since March 3. TJ in our area has an 8-9 senior hour.They are being VERY cautious,everyone wore masks,including the customers and I felt pretty safe. Only about 8 people were in the whole store and had the aisles to myself,mostly. Got in and out in 35 minutes. Will repeat. It was spiritually uplifting for me and i bought myself some FLOWERS!!!!! I love to cook, we eat really healthy, and many of my favorite products come from TJ.
3. We go out in nature as much as we can/want to.We live within walking distance of some farmy neighborhoods with wide lanes and few people, for biking and walking. Seeing animals, being outdoors= so important! We also can drive 30 minutes and be in a beautiful riparian swimming hole area with no one around as long as we get there at 6:30 AM which is no problem for us early birds. We leave by 9 and all is good.
That’s about it for now! Not willing to go into restaurants,concerts, live venues,etc..same as you. Also no hairdressers or up close and personal stuff with anyone but our son.
I did a lot better in the beginning of this.I am now growing very weary and have some very sad days where I miss my social events, concerts, art groups,library, playing cards with friends, and ALL THE TRAVEL WE HAD TO CANCEL for 2020!!!!!!
On top of it, the current civil unrest if close to home and I am a little scared of violence.
But overall, I have always been a survivor and I expect I will be this time,too!
Madeline, I had to look up 'riparian' and wow, how interesting and beautiful! I hope you are continuing to feel a bit better day by day. I know I am, and being outside continues to be my greatest source of peace.
DeleteThis has been a time of adjustment for us all, and then, of course, the current situation with police brutality and subsequent protests and riots has put many of us right back on edge just as we were learning to deal a bit better with COVID. Still, as I remind myself again and again, 'This too shall pass.'
Just an idea for you, in that you appear to be missing your social activities as much as I am, but with better weather we have been doing picnic meetups with friends, and it has been wonderful. We arrive completely self-contained and sit six+ feet apart, and it feels close enough to 'normal' to suffice. Ideally, a park where you can bring wine, of which we have several here!
Sincerely, I do wish you and all of us brighter days.