An Extrovert's Experience With Social DistancingGood morning everyone, and thank you so much for the opportunity to share a little bit about what being thrust into the realm of social distancing has meant to me.
First, to provide a little context as to where I was mentally back then. We had just returned home from a five week cruise, the literally epitome of a situation that did NOT involve social distancing. However, within 10 days of our return home on March 7, Orange County enacted Shelter In Place provisions. The date, to be exact was March 17, and it is emblazoned in my mind. Emblazoned because it really did prove to be that traumatic to this incurable extrovert.
Extrovert meaning that I derive my energy from being around people.
So those first weeks of social distancing were pretty rough. In reading back through the journal I kept during that time, it’s very clear that I essentially traveled through the five stages of grief as I worked to adjust; meaning denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
So here is how each of those stages went:
Stage One, Denial - Otherwise known as ‘I can’t believe this is happening!’ as I read through first our county, then our subsequent state mandates of what was no longer allowed. So, no more concerts, plays, dinner dates, family get togethers, outdoor physical activity get togethers? Seriously? How would I function???
Stage Two, Anger - My thoughts ran the gamut - Why didn’t we come to this better prepared as a nation? Why didn’t we shut down international travel sooner, inner-state travel, heck even intra-state travel? Who’s fault is this! Let’s find them so we can tell them how mad we are!
And of course, with no real ability to do that, I did the next best thing and became mad at my spouse instead. I mean, honestly, if I apologized once for my anger and grouchiness, I apologized a dozen times. At one point I think I just turned to him and said, ‘How about if I just apologize now for all the times I’m going to probably do something necessitating an apology in the future?’
Thank goodness I married a very forgiving man.
Stage Three, Bargaining - This is when I kept looking for ways to push the envelope just a bit. ‘How about if we go walking at the beach but we wear our masks? Let’s go the supermarket, but wear our masks. How about if we pick up take out, but we’ll eat it elsewhere? How about if we invite friends to a park, but sit six feet apart?’
I found ways to make all of those work, in order to have even fleeting interactions with other people. Because staying safely at home was simply not an option. I literally needed the energy of other people in order to feel alive.
Stage Four, Depression - I genuinely suffered as a result of having to drastically curtail my interactions with society at large. Without the spark of interacting with people on an ongoing and regular basis, there were days that felt like I was literally shriveling up and slowly dying. Not because being alone was boring - I had plenty to do at home. But without the energy of other people, it increasingly became meaningless.
Stage Five, Acceptance - The stage, thankfully, where I am now, and which coincided with the reopening of some of our public spaces back in May. The first thing I did when that happened was to go walking down to the beach. And the simple act of walking 6 ft. away from, and yet still in and among other people was, well, kind of magical. .
So what has my take away been from this whole process with regard to altering my life to accommodate and accept that social distancing is very likely here for a good long time to come?
That I need people in my life, even if from a distance of six feet. Because without them, my life quickly became meaningless. And it is as simple, and as powerful, and as significant as that.
Such an interesting account and one which I think a lot of us can agree with. It is the people I've missed. The physical interaction with others. Seeing other people over Zoom is ok, but not the same as the real thing. I remember the first day that we were allowed out of our homes for 'non essential' trips into town. It felt so strange to be out among other people, although to be fair, there were only a few other people out at the time I went there. But just to walk through town (even though nearly all the shops were shut!) and seeing other people, boosted my mood so much. And just to be able to meet up with our family - from a safe distance - over the park was a huge positive step. I hope that things don't deteriorate again as our 'freedoms' are gradually returned because to go back to lockdown after a little bit of normality will see so much worse than it did the first time around.
ReplyDeleteThe depression was the hardest/worst part, and I am thankful that has now passed. I read many, many accounts of people experiencing same, so I was definitely not alone.
DeleteI share your fear about needing to return to Shelter In Place if numbers spiral upward. It's so confusing to know what the right thing to do is!
I'm so glad that you have finally been able to see family. That has been the hardest part for many of us I know.
My husband is a true introvert and has not been suffering much.He did have to close up his part time home office.. seeing chiropractic and acupuncture patients but he appears to be taking it in strode for now.
ReplyDeleteI am not an extrovert at all.. though when I AM with people, they think I am!! I enjoy being in my art group and my bookclub and going for coffee or happy hour with my friends a couple of times a week.but I spend MUCH MORE TIME by myself, shopping alone in my thrift stores and craft shops,making art,reading, and cooking.I am talkative and friendly when I am in a group but I Do not GET energy from it.. in fact it exhausts me..I rarely accept a social invitation two days in a row!! I need quiet and solitude on the in between days!!!
That said, I am still suffering greatly from the lack of real person interaction. My social outings were the spice in my week, and added thoughtful conversations,laughter, and spontaneity to my days. Zoom is just not the same.
So—I am in acceptance, but I still feel I have to work to keep my mood up some days. Today was good: I did my yoga,swam, did internet, ate a healthy lunch,making a curry for supper, have a great book to read for this afternoon.. but it would be great to have a pot luck to get ready for or a card game with the gals on the agenda.. AND I try NOT TO THINK ABOUT ALL THE TRIPS WE CANCELLED for 2020!!!!!!!
this too shall pass..till then. am trying to keep buys enough but with total lazy days in between.
I enjoy your posts and your thoughts!
You are currently in the same boat in AZ that we are here in CA- waiting to see what our rising contagion numbers mean with regard to our current COVID mandates. Going back into full Shelter In Place after having many of our small freedoms returned will be awfully difficult.
DeleteYour day sounded lovely, Madeline, and I can almost smell the curry, something I love to eat but have not yet perfected making.
Travel. Sigh. Yes, like you we simply try not to think about it. We do have a good amount of RVing planned though, and that does help.
LIke Madeline, I am not an extrovert. I don't particularly miss the 20 person happy hours I used to participat in, and may not go bck to hosting that group. I am not into casual conversation as such. I DO however, badly miss those small groups I met with a couple times a week, both because of the persoal interaction and because of the deep conversations and interpersonal relationships. Today my group of six was supposed to meet at a park and we pulled back because of increasing numbers and scheduled a one hour zoom tomorrow, defiitely not the same, I third or fourth that. I also miss the ability to just get in the car and drive and stop and get out whenver I wanted to. I am slowly adjusting as I believe we've probaby got a year of this with tightening and loosening depending. I do make sure that I exercise, get out in the sun daily and meditate and fully admit that even with Texas risks I will probably do better there than I will here in a Covid winter. The person I REALLY feel for is my thirty year old son who shares a home with myself and my sister. He furloughted himself (he's the manager) for five weeks because of his asthma history and literally did not leave the house or yard. He's now back at work, but only socilizes for two hours a week, And only with the people he workswith. At a table more than six feet from everyone else. He's saving for the apartment of his dreams or a condo, but as a high anxiety very social adult, this may be the worst time for him to leave family and dog and live alone. I dunno, I tell you.
ReplyDeleteMy heart absolutely breaks for our young people. So many life passages lost, and such a difficult future to plan and prepare for, though hopefully only for a few years. Herd immunity, I keep repeating to myself.
DeletePerhaps a roommate situation might be a positive way to start out for your son? It might provide both emotional and financial benefits that living alone at this time would not. Regardless, my thoughts are with you as we never stop caring for and worrying about our children, no matter how old they are.