We have a couple that we much enjoy, and have been spending time with on a regular basis during the pandemic. We kayak and paddleboard together, do socially distanced picnics together, and just generally hang. Often times on their spectacular outdoor balcony with sweeping views of the ocean.
So, observing that they appear to be very comfortable financially - their home is worth considerably more than ours per their closer proximity to the ocean as just one example - I've been startled to hear them refer to my husband and I as being 'frugal' twice in the last week. In this instance, I am translating their usage of the word as meaning closer to cheap, which sincerely, sincerely puzzles me.
As a result, I came home last night and researched the meaning of frugal vs. cheap and came up with the following:
Being cheap is about spending less; being frugal is about prioritizing your spending so that you can have more of the things you really care about.
If this is the place they were coming from, than I am A-OK with that as a frugal definition, because we absolutely do prioritize where we spend our money. And something I keep in mind every single time we make a purchase, whether it be at the grocery store, a retail store, or a travel agency. I desire value for the money I spend, recognizing that what I deem as value may be completely different from what another individual might consider to be of value.
But the comment rankled, and I'm trying to determine exactly why. Yesterday's discussion was with regard to the size of our respective electric bills. The other couple has invested in solar, and wondered why we did not. I explained that our electric bills average just $50 a month, or $600 year, and thus, it did not make financial sense for us to do so at this time. The husband responded that we sure were frugal. They both then went on to ask if we were the kind of people who lived in the dark in order to save money. And just like that I felt like I'd been put on the defensive.
For the record, we do turn off lights when we are not in a room, however we turn lights on in the evening for security purposes. In addition, all of our lights, every single one, is a lower usage - but not lower costing! - LED. And, yes, during heat waves such as we've been having here this past week, we absolutely do keep our west-facing window coverings shut to minimize the heat that comes into the house. But only as a temporary measure.
Thus I'm trying to evaluate whether this was more about them than us, and, again, why I'm so rankled either way. A profound phrase I heard once is that whenever one is disturbed, it is because somewhere there is a small truth.
A small truth? Yes, I do believe that could be so, and perhaps I need to evaluate.
Small things like refusing to pay for parking anywhere in our coastal towns because we know where we can find free parking, and we much enjoy the longer walk through charming seaside streets that generally results.
Small things like packing our own water because there are few things that annoy me more than paying for water.
Small things like confining our visits to a winery that all four of us belong to to Tuesdays, when food is half price for members.
Small things like, perhaps, sharing that we would likely never ever loan money to either of our children should they hit a financial hurdle, believing they need to find a way to climb out of a hole they most likely dug all by themselves, but we would always, always provide a safe haven for them in our home with which to recover and determine how best to forge ahead.
And, at the end of the day, I do believe it is this last point that has resulted in their new labeling of us as frugal. You see, they have continued to provide fairly significant sums to both of their adult children as they have gotten into circumstances of their own makings. And this has resulted in the deferring of some of their own retirement plans. Perhaps they were hoping to find like company in us, and hearing that our approach, while still loving, was different, has gotten under their skin.
Hmm. I just had an 'aha' moment. Perhaps that's what this really is all about. They are stressed, and possibly without realizing it, are taking a small amount of it out on us. And if that is the case? It's OK, because they are worth taking it just a little bit on the chin until the situation with their children straightens out.
Which is what I so appreciate about blogging. The process of committing my thoughts to electronic paper just now has allowed me to process my own irritation, remove it, and instead find a space for compassion on their behalf instead.