An Extrovert's Experience With Social Distancing

Recently my husband and I were asked to give a talk to our spiritual community about the impact social distancing has had on us. Yesterday was the day, and we gave the talks virtually, via Zoom.com, from the comfort of our separate offices. And based on the facial expressions we were able to observe from various attendees while giving our respective talks, they seemed to go over well, so yeah! 

Because I was just a tiny bit nervous about the whole thing.

Anyhow, I wanted to save my talk as another memory of this crazy pandemic year, so I thought I'd share it here. Therefore, consider yourself warned, and proceed at your own risk! 😁

An Extrovert's Experience With Social Distancing

Good morning everyone, and thank you so much for the opportunity to share a little bit about what being thrust into the realm of social distancing has meant to me.

First, to provide a little context as to where I was mentally back then.  We had just returned home from a five week cruise, the literally epitome of a situation that did NOT involve social distancing. However, within 10 days of our return home on March 7, Orange County enacted Shelter In Place provisions. The date, to be exact was March 17, and it is emblazoned in my mind. Emblazoned because it really did prove to be that traumatic to this incurable extrovert.

Extrovert meaning that I derive my energy from being around people. 

So those first weeks of social distancing were pretty rough. In reading back through the journal I kept during that time, it’s very clear that I essentially traveled through the five stages of grief as I worked to adjust; meaning denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. 

So here is how each of those stages went:

Stage One, Denial - Otherwise known as  ‘I can’t believe this is happening!’ as I read through first our county, then our subsequent state mandates of what was no longer allowed. So, no more concerts, plays, dinner dates, family get togethers, outdoor physical activity get togethers? Seriously? How would I function???

Stage Two, Anger - My thoughts ran the gamut - Why didn’t we come to this better prepared as a nation? Why didn’t we shut down international travel sooner, inner-state travel, heck even intra-state travel? Who’s fault is this! Let’s find them so we can tell them how mad we are!

And of course, with no real ability to do that, I did the next best thing and became mad at my spouse instead. I mean, honestly, if I apologized once for my anger and grouchiness, I apologized a dozen times. At one point I think I just turned to him and said, ‘How about if I just apologize now for all the times I’m going to probably do something necessitating an apology in the future?’

Thank goodness I married a very forgiving man.

Stage Three, Bargaining - This is when I kept looking for ways to push the envelope just a bit. ‘How about if we go walking at the beach but we wear our masks? Let’s go the supermarket, but wear our masks. How about if we pick up take out, but we’ll eat it elsewhere? How about if we invite friends to a park, but sit six feet apart?’

I found ways to make all of those work, in order to have even fleeting interactions with other people. Because staying safely at home was simply not an option. I literally needed the energy of other people in order to feel alive. 

Stage Four, Depression - I genuinely suffered as a result of having to drastically curtail my interactions with society at large. Without the spark of interacting with people on an ongoing and regular basis, there were days that felt like I was literally shriveling up and slowly dying. Not because being alone was boring - I had plenty to do at home. But without the energy of other people, it increasingly became meaningless. 

Stage Five, Acceptance - The stage, thankfully, where I am now, and which coincided with the reopening of some of our public spaces back in May. The first thing I did when that happened was to go walking down to the beach. And the simple act of walking 6 ft. away from, and yet still in and among other people was, well, kind of magical. . 

So what has my take away been from this whole process with regard to altering my life to accommodate and accept that social distancing is very likely here for a good long time to come? 

That I need people in my life, even if from a distance of six feet.   Because without them, my life quickly became meaningless. And it is as simple, and as powerful, and as significant as that.

Five Thursday Thankful Things

I am piggybacking on a weekly blog post that the wonderful Kristen of The Frugal Girl has been running since the pandemic began to turn our lives upside down - a weekly post of gratitude. The timing works nicely as well, because Thursday is just about when I begin to run out of steam from the new realities of life, before being uplifted once again over the weekend by the friends and family we generally are able to see and enjoy, even if from a six to eight foot distance.

So I am going to work to make this a weekly occurrence, and I hope you will comment and add to the feel-good party here.

Five Things I Am Thankful For This Week

1)  The beach at low tide. Walking along the sand is so much nicer than staying on the close-by beach path for a variety of reasons - easier physical distancing, cooler temps (yes, even a few feet can make a big difference on warm days), and the chance to be up close and personal with our marine life. Yesterday I walked seven miles, and it successfully blew away the pretty bad case of the COVID-blahs I had when I arrived.

2)  A loving and patient husband. That case of the COVID-blahs above? Yeah, unfortunately he bore the brunt of them until I got myself over to the ocean for a walk. The stress of COVID is real, and every so often it piles up on me, generally after a night or two of lousy, post-menopause sleep. Consistently he manages to not take my crabbiness personally, and just keeps on loving me. I am more thankful to him for this than I can properly express.

There are days when I definitely don't deserve this guy.

3)  The local winery we just joined. It's only a couple of miles away, it's in the adorable historic walking section of San Juan Capistrano, the help staff is super friendly, the seating is outside, the tables are set far apart, the food is delicious, and the wine is free. What's not to love?

Their roasted Brussels sprouts, which I could happily eat every. single. day.

Plus, every Tuesday the winery offers half price food for members, so we plan to make it our regular Tuesday end of day activity. Having something to look forward to on a weekly basis is appreciated now more than ever.

4)  Sun tea. Such a simple thing, but so lovely to make, chill, and then drink. Today I'll be making a batch of herbal sun tea, so that we can drink it during our soon-to-be-here warmer summer evenings.

Here's the basic recipe I follow:  Summer Sun Tea

And, finally,

5)  My neighbors' lemon trees. Several people on the street grow fresh lemons, and I've been gifted with several bags full, which I've been freezing in ice cube trays for usage in recipes, in one tablespoon increments. However, with my granddaughters expected arrival this weekend, I newly began freezing the juice in one cup increments so that I can make and keep homemade lemonade on hand for them, which they both love.

It makes me so happy to think about serving them something that is the essence of homemade.

Your turn! What five things are you most thankful for today?

I Got A Haircut!

My last haircut was on March 10, three months and five days ago, as was hubby's. In desperation, I cut two inches off my hair myself, plus trimmed my bangs, and did my best to trim hubby's very forgiving wavy locks, both at the beginning of June.

We didn't end up looking horrible, particularly if we wore hats!

However, I've been avidly awaiting the outcome of the late May story about the two masked, but symptomatic hairdressers in Missouri that went to work anyway, exposing approximately 140 people in their salon to COVID. The story finally got updated a few days ago, and the great news is that as an apparent result of everybody involved wearing masks, there have been no additional COVID cases reported.

So I made hair appointments for me and hubby ASAP, and yesterday was the day.

What we did different as a result of COVID-19:

Washed and conditioned our hair at home to avoid having it done at the salon.

Wore masks.

What they did different as a result of COVID-19:

Took our temperatures at the door.

Allowed only one customer per stylist in to the salon at a time. All others waited outside until it was their turn.

Expanded salon operating days to seven per week, so that stylists could work their normal amount of hours, while still leaving every other hair station empty.

Wore masks.

Used freshly cleaned gowns,  brushes, and combs for every customer, no reuses whatsoever other than scissors, which were sterilized between customers.

As a result, it was a very pleasant and relaxing experience, very different from what I'd been expecting/fearing. And since I've elected not to continue highlighting my hair for the time being, I was out in a record 35 minutes, down from my normal two and a half hours per appointment.

Here is how my hair looks now:

It feels great to have shorter, trimmed hair, and I'm loving the no-highlights new natural growth so far, but I'm prepared to evaluate it again in a few more months.

It sure would be freeing to be done with coloring my hair, so fingers crossed for what's still to come.

And here's how my cute hubby looks now:

One more move back toward normalcy, and it does feel good.

Making LIfestyle Trade Offs

The stock market is making no sense to me at the moment. I keep reading that the stock market is not the economy, which, OK I sort of get. But then again, not really.

Thus, even though we are now pretty much back to our pre-COVID portfolio, I'm still somewhat mistrustful of it remaining that way, so instead of ramping up our spending in light of several new revenue streams coming on line now that my hubby is turning 65, we're making some trade offs instead so that the additional revenue can sit safely unused until the world calms itself just a bit more.

Here are some of the changes we're making as a result of shifting priorities during this time of COVID.

• As much as we've been home since early March, I've discovered that I really don't enjoy cleaning our house. I like to keep it tidy and organized and decorated, but that is pretty much where it stops. So we recently hired a housecleaner to come in every four weeks to do the deep cleaning, and after just one visit I'm in heaven. So nice to have the entire house spic and span clean!

The subsequent tradeoff is that I'm going to stop coloring my hair for the near future in that I'm actually rather liking the dark blonde with silver highlights that is presenting itself at my crown. Yep, the money saved from this will completely cover the cost of the housecleaner. Oh woman, vanity truly is thy name! 😄

 

• We are craving having somewhere outside to go hang out on a regular basis, so we recently joined a second wine club in our area.* This one offers outdoor dining, plus two free glasses of wine daily for wine club members. Daily! Which, LOL, we won't be availing ourselves of. What we are planning is to have dinner there weekly, on the night they offer wine club members half price on all food. The food is excellent, and with free wine and half price food, we can enjoy a lovely outdoor evening each week for less that $20.

* For those of you that are curious, the grapes for both wineries we now belong to are sourced from Paso Robles, one of our states most robust wine regions.

The subsequent trade off is that we won't be dining out for dinner at full price restaurants as often. Which is fine, because if full service dining was expensive before COVID, my guess is that it's going to be even more expensive now due to all the safety provisions that are being put into place.

• We have really enjoyed packing up our dinner and eating it somewhere scenic and outdoors.

The subsequent trade off is that I'm having to adjust my weekly meal planning to accommodate pack and go type meals, which take just a bit more time than meals eaten at home.

• Home cooking rocks, as do farmers markets, so our grocery budget is now being spent at it's fully budgeted $100 a week, instead of coming in under budget due to shopping at primarily just two places. Instead, I've enjoyed visiting a variety of grocery places each week, so that I can shop sales, but also purchase specialty items. For example, Whole Foods has amazing fresh baked sourdough bread, Sprouts is great for produce, Trader Joe's has the best cheese, and farmers markets have the best tamales, hummus, and pita, hands down

The subsequent trade off is not so much money as time - this all takes more time and effort than confining my shopping to just two stores. But hey, where else do I need to be these days???

 

• With our travel budget slashed for the next year or two, we've decided to shift the amount we aren't spending over to our Hobbies account, and begin taking golf lessons. I was gifted a set of women's golf clubs by a friend looking for a home for a set they no longer needed, and my husband already owns a set, so our getting started fees should be minimal. Shoes and gloves for me is about all, and not even gloves if I can use my bicycling gloves. I'm looking forward to it in that it will get us outside even more than we are already outdoors.

The subsequent trade off is less international travel for now. But we'll still be able to travel in our RV as much as we wish, plus fly back east to visit our family whenever we wish, so I'm fine with it. And if golfing takes off, then we'll allocate some of our new revenue stream to it at the point we feel comfortable returning our Travel budget back to it's pre-COVID amount.

Additional zero cost lifestyle changes we're making as a result of COVID are daily weight strengthening sessions in our garage using free weights we already own, after-dinner trips to the beach to  sit and enjoy the sunset, more frequent visits to our adults-only HOA pool, and trips to the beach to play in the surf with our boogie boards, something we hadn't done since we were teenagers. 

If COVID has done nothing else, it has forced us, helped us, to re-focus our priorities. Which I do think is the point when the going gets rough. It's an opportunity to peel back the layers of life and begin again with that which matters most deeply to each one of us.

What about you? What lifestyle tradeoffs have you discovered you are willing to make as a result of the pandemic?

What I'm Doing Currently

In taking a cue from a couple of blog posts I've read recently, today I'm going to respond to a random set of cues currently in rotation. Plus the timing is good - I could use a temporary distraction right about now!

(P.S. I would love for others to play along so that we can enjoy small glimpses into each other's current lives, so please consider doing so in the comment section below.)

What I Am Currently . . . 

Buying: Lots! If we are going to be  stuck  here for the summer, I would like it to be spent outside as much as possible. So I've purchased a couple of heavy duty umbrella stands and 10' ft. sun umbrellas to increase the amount of shade in both the front and back yard sitting areas, plus replacement umbrellas for a couple that were pretty faded out. I've also ordered several new inflatable kayaks to replace our current set, because we are very much enjoying our increasingly longer paddles around Newport Harbor, and we therefore need better quality inflatable kayaks than we've been using.

Our kayaking buddies on the left, me and hubby on the right. 

And I've purchased oodles and oodles of indoor and outdoor toys for our granddaughters to use this summer while they and their family stay with us here. I've bought fishing poles, boogie boards, an inflatable pool, pool toys, coloring books and markers, puzzles, games, and lots of ocean-oriented pretend toys. At this rate, the girls are going think it's Christmas morning when they arrive!

Craving: Craft beer, enjoyed at a craft beer brewery. I love the craft beer brewery environment almost as much as I love the beer. Craft breweries have a young, hipster vibe that I find delightful, even as a non-youngster, non-hipster! Nicely, our oldest daughter just asked us to join her and her boyfriend at one of our very favorite craft breweries, Modern Times, so we'll be heading down to San Diego next weekend to do just that. 

From pre-COVID times:
The family that bicycles and drinks craft beer together stays together.

Discussing: What our role is as white people in working to lift the weight of discrimination off of African Americans. Along those lines, I've been reading, watching, listening, and pondering about this issue every moment I possibly can. And also along those lines, I will be re-watching this excellent, 2016 Oscar-nominated documentary, which is normally hidden behind the Netflix paywall, but that can now be watched for free via YouTube at the link below:

 

Feeling: Equal parts of despair and hope (See above 🥺) intermixed with excitement about our daughter and granddaughters arrival in a couple more weeks.

Wearing: Layers. We are in the California late spring/early summer season of cool, wet mornings and warmer, dryer afternoons. So for now that means tank tops under long sleeve shirts, and a sweater kept handy in the car.

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How about you? What are you currently buying, craving, discussing, feeling and wearing? 

How Can I Do Better?

Much reflection on my part these last series of days as a result of the obscene murder of George Floyd. As much as I would like to think I am fully evolved, after hours and hours spent watching and listening to the pain that is pouring out from the African American community, I newly understand that I still have a long, long way to go. And that, I believe, is one of the best outcomes that can occur from all of this. To better understand that as much as I think I 'get it,' I really don't, because I can't. I'm an outsider looking in, and I therefore need to simply be quiet and take a seat so that I can continue to listen and learn.

I'm not going to attempt to make myself feel better by sharing here about all the times and ways that I've surely proven over the years that I am not racist. Because what I think I've come to now, and this after spending many decades attempting to self educate on this issue in order to do better, is that it's almost impossible not to have inherent racism within. Because for most of us the indoctrination begins at birth, and much as we might wish it to be otherwise, those voices we all heard while growing up, without even necessarily understanding them as voices of racism, are still in our heads talking to us. 

I'm also not going to attempt to pontificate about racism, because regardless of where I think I am on the evolved continuum, I newly understand that by default I am part of the problem simply by virtue of being white in the United States. And yes, I do think it is as simple as that. I am white, and with that comes privilege that I may never fully understand. 

So what is my obligation going forward? In giving it a great deal of that, I don't think it's so much about stepping down from my privilege as I understand and experience it, but rather to instead work to clear a wide, wide path so that other others can step up into it as well. 

Obtainable? I don't know. But I feel morally charged to try and try and try, and then to try again.

As a small step here, infinitesimally small perhaps, I've expanded my blog roll to include other perspectives that I need to begin taking in on a regular basis. And to not only read, but to begin commenting on as well, so that if and when I stumble and blindly present my privilege, I'll be in a position to be called out on it, in order to learn to do better.

Today is Mr. Floyd's funeral. Normally I would probably not have taken the time to stop my life in order to watch it, but today I will. And more importantly, I will do my best to listen in the hope that I will learn about how I can do better going forward.

May peace be with you all.